I go back to work in a week. I’m totally cool with that…I’ve had a fantastic year on maternity leave with Hilary. We’ve had our ups and downs but kept going and now here we sit…well, actually, she’s sleeping and I’m standing at the computer right now. But that’s not the point. I dropped into work today to sign some papers, find out about next week’s meetings, get my keys and to try to remember my work passwords etc.
I left the office and came home and just felt like crap…I may have shed a tear or two. Not because I don’t like my work. Not because I’m not ready to leave Hilary at day care with BIG sister Lilly. But because I had a moment of “What am I getting myself into” AND “Can I really do this job again”?
I feel under-qualified for the job.
I feel like the job is way beyond me.
I feel like I have no idea what I was getting into.
In reality, I’ve held the job for 5 years (minus 2 mat. leaves) and feel that I’ve done a good job in the past. I’ve never been told I’m doing something terribly wrong or that I’m not up to speed on current physical activity data.
After being off work for the last year, I’m not up to speed on current data and who know’s, I’ll probably make a few mistakes when I return. Just checking my email is a task in itself. I couldn’t even remember my username or password today. Thank God the tech support I talked to was super awesome and loved to talk about his 15 month old grandson….he made me happy.
I am slightly sad that I won’t get to spend ALL my time with my girl(s).
I am nervous about trying to get out the door, drop the girls off and to work on time.
I’m not looking forward to getting my girls on a new routine and the meltdowns that lie ahead of us.
My head space right now is what are we eating this week, when did Hilary nap, is the laundry clean in the washing machine, when is Lilly’s next play date, walk Maclean, is the fire still going and when did I workout last?
It’s not in work mode.
I know I’ll get there in the end. I know I’ll start absorbing the current data. I know I have a lot to learn (again). And I know it will all come back to me eventually.
But man, Shi*t hit really the fan yesterday.
Bye Bye Mat. Leave….You’ve been good to us.