As race weekend approaches, my thoughts on running my fourth half marathon seem to be all over the place. Excitement, nervousness, enjoyment, mommy-guilt and fear.

This training cycle has been all over the place too. Physically, I feel strong with my hamstring (which sure is a nice feeling) but mentally I don’t think I’m ready for it. I wrote this post last Sunday shortly after my last long run of 19k. I wanted to post it right away but decided to sit on it for a day or so, which then turned into five days later I’ve hit the publish button. I’ve left it unchanged. It’s how I felt last Sunday and how I still feel today.

{Note: Don’t take this post as a negative rant, it’s not. It’s just how I was feeling and I wrote it all down}.

Half Marathon in Reach

During this training cycle, I managed to increase my strength training a lot more and got in ALL my long runs outside. I feel really lucky that my husband is home now (for the most part) and supportive of me going out to run for a few hours at a time. Secretly, I think he loves his one on one time with our girls in the morning without me around.

I’ve done a few long runs on my own and a few with my running buddy, Krystol. I’ve shed a few tears post run when everything (running & life) just felt so overwhelming yet I still managed to “get that friggin’ run in”. Why am I crying post run…I don’t know but sometimes it feels good.

I’ve been more frustrated with myself during this training cycle then I ever have before. This will be my fourth half marathon and first this year. I’m second guessing myself but not disappointed in my training. I trust my training but I don’t trust the will I have to keep going when it gets tough. This is going to be a BIG mental game for me. I know I can do the distance comfortably but when I start to struggle get ugly.

After deciding to “take it easy” this year with running and not sign up for every run/race that I really wanted to do, I decided to stick with a few key events. Johnny Miles is a race I’ve never run before. It’s a great event (so I hear) and part of a larger community of events year round.

Expectations

Honestly, I’d love to say I want a PB, which would be better than 2:05 but it’s not in the cards. My body AND mind are not prepared for that. I’d love to do better then my last half in PEI last October (2:13) but I don’t even know if that is in the cards for me.

Realistically, I could be anywhere between 2:13 – 2:20. While I’m on the honest train…I’ll probably be disappointed with this time. Really, I probably will. No, I’m not going into this with a specific goal of finishing in x:xx:xx time but I know mentally this isn’t the time that I want to finish with and I guess I’m struggling with that.

You can only do so much!

I’m at the point where I can only do so much. I know I can do the distance and I know I can run at a good pace. I have to really wrap my head around what my goal is for this race. My goal is to finish 21.1 km and not hurt. Not have my hamstring scream at me. Not have me in pain for a full 7 days post race. THAT’s my goal of this race.

My right hammy that gave me so much pain.

Though I run a lot, running is not my life but it sure is something that I truly love to do. I like setting goals for myself, whether that be during my training, work or home life. I like to achieve those goals and am pretty determined to do so.

I’d be lying if I said, I didn’t want to finish in a certain time (because I do) but I need to keep the main goal of finishing pain free. Maybe I’ll have to write the words “pain-free” on my hand that would give me a visual to focus on during my run. “You can do hard things” has been repeated many times over the last twelve weeks. I just have to believe it now!

Two more sleeps and I’ll be running 🙂

Ever use a word written on your hand/arm during a race?

What about a running mantra? 

Do you struggle with not running a certain time in a race?